impromtu chat (gretchen and justin)

Molly and Danny were both online last week and decided to chat. There's some good stuff in it, but I'm just going to post my favorite bit because it takes me so long to edit out the weird spaces and times. I think I'm going to do this for all of the chats from now on.

Thanks for the impromptu skyping guys! I hope this fad catches! It's be great if more people chatted on their own time and kept generating material.

Oh, and for the record, the Facebook page is officially out of date. Elliot is dead. For sure.


gretchen
i know. i kinda wish i had known him better

justin
yeah. me too. he was kind of a wacky kid. it would be
interesting to find out what was going on in his head.

gretchen
yeah. i tried talking to him once or twice, but he
never really said much

justin
wouldn't that be a thing, to be able to be someone
else for a little while. like step into their life

gretchen
that'd be weird. i don't know who i'd want to be...

justin
john malkovich, maybe?

gretchen
haha maybe

justin
it would be cool to be someone totally different. like
i'm not saying that i'd always want to be someone
else. but have a life like Indiana Jones or Steve
Irwin. You know, someone who does something exciting.
i want to do something exciting

gretchen
body thief! you'd just go around living other peoples
lives for a day?

justin
well why not? wouldn't you want to do something cool
like that?

gretchen
i suppose. would the people get their bodies back
after? what happens to them when you take over? do
they get your body?

justin
hmm i guess i didn't think about that. maybe you just
disappear into limbo until you're done being that
other person.

gretchen
oooh. interesting. what happens to your body then when
you leave it?

justin
it goes into limbo too and then reappears where you
left it

gretchen
is that possible? a material object (such as your
body) existing in limbo?

justin
sure why not? It's, like stored on an interdimensional
external hardrive until it's needed.

gretchen
hmmm... maybe. limbo with a hardrive... i can see it

justin
well i should probably hit the old dusty trail. you
know i've got to get up early tomorrow and...... i
dunno.... do stuff.

gretchen
alright. if you must.

When am I real?

So, "what is real" turned out to be a bit too nebulous a question. Even I was struggling with how to answer that. Hopefully this is a bit more specific and personal. I think it just might be the central question of the play, as well as being the root of the first question. All of the characters have different reasons for asking this question... Justin, as he tries to differentiate himself from the society that has molded him; Reul as she returns from her after-life experience in the cosmos which I imagine felt more real than anything on Earth; Noelle as she notices the differences in how she interacts with her old friends and with her new ones - especially those she talks with in another language; Sam as he embarks further and further into the virtual world, under the guise of Elliot's virtual persona, Bolo... and on and on.

But, in an effort to be real and to really explore this question, I thought we could drop the characters for a bit and open up discussion about our own relationship to that question. Afterall, this play is really about us and for us.

So, I'll go first. I struggle with this question a lot. Especially when I'm writing. It's so obvious to me when I write things that aren't real. They sound contrived. They feel empty. They don't excite me. They're just words put together in a crafty fashion and there's no life behind him, just fancy ideas. As I've been working on this play recently and pushing for a deadline which would get it accepted into a high-profile festival, I've typed a lot of things that haven't felt real and I've gotten really frustrated, erased them and stared at a blank screen for hours. I realized the other day that pushing for this deadline was causing me to not be real. It was undermining the reason I write in the first place which is to connect with other people, and in this case, to connect with you guys and to let our connection lead the play where it will. Upon realizing this, I decided to let go of the deadline and to reorder my priorities. Immediately, I felt more real again. I felt happier and more whole as a person. I got excited about this project again and realized that while we've figured out a lot for this play, what we really need is to get to know each other again because certainly we've all changed since the last play... aren't we changing all the time? And right now as I'm writing to you, I am real. I feel honest and clear-intentioned. I feel like all of the different aspects of myself are aligned and I'm excited again, even about these simple words I'm typing.

I think one aspect of me being real is dependent on being aware of my own intentions and not losing sight of them in the face of deadlines and opportunity.

I also know that I'm real when I'm doing really simple things like baking cookies, walking in the sunshine, holding a baby, playing with an animal, dancing... things that connect my body with the space outside of it and with the space inside of it, that thing we might call the soul.

How about you?

Justin's letter to Sam

Commissioned to me by Janis- this is a letter to Sam from Justin explaining where he thinks his life is just going. Just a little something. -Ty

Sam,

This might be the first time I’ve written to you through a letter besides that time in seventh grade when I wrote you that letter about how I had a crush on that girl you had that middle school “relationship” thing with. I can’t even remember her name. So you should probably mark this as one of those special times when your best friend writes you a letter. It’s special, no?

I’m going to try and get straight to the point, but I want you to know that you’re really important to me, Sam. And that means that it’s really important that you see and understand where I’m coming from and why I’m doing what I am doing- because I feel like there’s nothing else that I could do. (All of this will make sense once I stop beating around the bush).

I think it’s great that you are having a good time at school. If you are doing something that makes you happy, then I think that’s a great thing. Not enough people do what makes them happy, which is sort of what I’ve been figuring out lately. And I think that to a certain extent, I’ve been one of those people. I feel like all through high school I did what I needed to get by. I wasn’t really a spectacular student. I did alright, though- it’s not like I really got bad grades. But I feel like I wasn’t really applying myself because there was nothing that I felt was worthwhile enough to spend the time and energy applying myself to it, you know? I think you already kind of know this. We’ve talked about stuff like this here and there over the years, so I guess you probably have a good grasp already on where I feel like I’m coming from.

Here’s the thing, dude…lately I’ve needed to make some life decisions that are pretty important. I made my first one by going to school in the city, and that’s where I went wrong. So I’ve made a few decisions since them. I haven’t been going to school for a while, actually. I can’t do it anymore. Each day, I’ve gone out somewhere and done things that have really made me feel alive, and more importantly, things that make me appreciate feeling that way. It’s something that I don’t think a lot of people do (but maybe more people should).

I worked myself into a rut with college. I shouldn’t have gone in the first place, and I definitely know I can’t go back. At least, not at this point in my life. Maybe one day I will decide that college is the best thing for me, but for now, I feel that college is a bad place for me to be in. In school, I’m wasting my life. Each hour I sit in class is one hour that I could be doing something that really matters, something that makes me gain a new perspective on life or maybe understand some new emotion that I’ve never felt before, or a familiar emotion that I could be feeling in a completely new way.

A while back, shortly after I stopped going to school, I went to the city and instead I picked flowers for Gretchen. There were so many of them- they all looked completely different, up close. You never really notice how unique dandelions are until you have about two hundred of them and you can see how different each one is. I had enough dandelions for each path that I could take in my life. You might think that picking two hundred dandelions was a waste of time, especially considering I could have been going to school. But I seriously disagree. Picking those flowers was a beautiful experience, and so was giving them to Gretchen. I would never give that up.

I know that everybody needs a plan. I know that that’s what you would say to me if you were hear and I was telling you this in person. Until recently, college was my plan. What I was going to do in college was (and still is) completely beyond me. I had no idea why I was there- there really wasn’t anything I wanted to learn there. But now that I’m out of school, I’m noticing how many opportunities there are for me.

I think I want to be a writer. I’ve written stories all my life and it’s always something that’s made me feel really good about myself. I think it’s important to feel good about myself. You’ve always encouraged me when I’ve shared my writings with you, and everyone always tells me that my stuff is good. I decided to trust them and think that maybe they’re right.

Without college, I could really do something with my life. I could travel the country, or even the world, and gain new understandings and inspirations that I never could have gotten from a classroom or a lecture hall. It seems to me that if I stayed in college, I could come out with a job and a really stable life and that would be it. But as a writer, I have the potential to be remembered forever. I know that I probably won’t, but I don’t care- it’s how you believe in yourself, and what you think you are capable of that really matters, and I really think I could make a difference with my writings. If the only things tying me down in life were the things that I specifically chose to tie me down and keep me grounded, I think I would feel freer than I ever have in my whole life.

The thing is that recent events in my life have made me question what I really think about it. Finding Elliott in the park was huge. I know it might make you uncomfortable reading this, but I think it’s something necessary to understand where I’m coming from. I’ve thought a lot about what I think Elliott must have thought about life, or at least, what I would have thought about life if I were in his shoes. Thinking these thoughts has made me see so many things in so many new ways. Sometimes I think that if the way our lives are run wasn’t so strict and rigid, maybe your brother would have imagined more of what he was capable of, and felt more inclined to pursue what he thought he could make with his life, instead of pursuing what he could end with his death.

This is something that I know I need to do. I need to be free, and I know that some people are free in college and with stable careers, but I don’t think that I would feel that way, at least not at this point in my life. I think instead about how cool it would be to do something like hop trains across the States, or travel in Europe and write about whatever inspired me to write. Again, this is something I know I need to do. Not something I just think I need to do. I hope I can count on you to trust me with this.

Please call me and talk to me about whatever you are feeling when you have finished this letter. I want to talk to you about it and make sure that you understand what it is I’m trying to say.

Thanks for being such a great friend for my whole life. I love you, Sam, and I feel really privileged to say that. Seriously.

Talk to you soon,
Your crazy friend,
Justin

scene/chat hybrid

Danny and Marnie took the bait to write the phone call between noelle and sam. i gave them the scene as i had written it and they picked up from where i left off. i think this is probably the most successful chat yet in that it is very active and a lot can be felt beneath the words. i'll include the part i wrote and then notate where they began.

Hello?

NOELLE
Hey.

SAM
You picked up.

NOELLE
I did.

SAM
I didn’t think you would.

NOELLE
Then why’d you call?
SAM
I don’t know. I saw your name in my phone and my finger pushed the button.

NOELLE
You’re good at that.

SAM
What?

NOELLE
Pushing buttons.

SAM
You’re still mad.

NOELLE
No. I just don’t ever want to IM with you again.

SAM
Oh come on.

NOELLE
You said you’d BRB.

SAM
I meant to, I really did.

NOELLE
We were in the middle of talking about—

SAM
– I know. It had nothing to do with that.

NOELLE
I thought you were too emotional to type.

SAM
You know I don’t get emotional.

NOELLE
I thought you’d had a break through.

SAM
Why does everyone think you need to be a weeping mess to get over something?

NOELLE
Something?

SAM
Whatever. You know what I mean.

NOELLE
No, not whatever. His name is Elliot.

SAM
I don’t want to talk about it.

NOELLE
About him.

SAM
Can’t we just have a normal conversation for once? Compare keggers or something. Oh wait, they probably don’t have them in New York, do they? It’s probably all wine tastings and fancy cheese.

NOELLE
You’re changing the subject.

SAM
Yes, that’s what I’m doing.

NOELLE
Ah!

SAM
Was that a gunshot?

NOELLE
No. Just a dumpster diver.

SAM
Huh?

NOELLE
Slamming the lid. Guess they didn’t find anything good.

SAM
New York is a strange planet.

NOELLE
Enough.

SAM
What, like you haven’t gotten a million Texas jokes in already.

NOELLE
ANYWAYS. I waited for you to BRB. On a Friday night. Until after Midnight.

SAM
What, for like two and half hours?

NOELLE
Yes. Glued to the screen like a total computer dork.

SAM
That must have been truly awful for you.

NOELLE
It was.

SAM
I mean, to be stuck in front a machine that connects you to all the information in the world. Whatever did you do?

NOELLE
I Googled every member of my entire family. Including second cousins.

SAM
Find any dirt?

NOELLE
No. Well, maybe. Although I think my Aunt Helen just has the bad fortune of having the same name and hometown as an expert alskdjaskldj.

They both laugh.

NOELLE
Stop making me laugh. I’m mad at you.

SAM
Why? I think you should be glad I abandoned you so you. Otherwise you wouldn’t have found out about your aunt’s secret life.

NOELLE
Shut up.

SAM
I’m serious.

NOELLE
No, I’m serious. What the hell happened that you couldn’t write me back until the next day? I was really worried about you.

SAM
I just got distracted. I’m sorry. I really am.

NOELLE
It was a girl, wasn’t it?

SAM
No.

NOELLE
What, did she like show up at your door and in a panic you just switched the computer off?

SAM
It wasn’t a girl. There are no girls. Well, no real ones at least.

NOELLE
What on Earth does that mean?

SAM
Nothing. Forget it.

NOELLE
As if I could. What, are you like in love with a fantasy or something?

SAM
More or less.

NOELLE
Sam. Explain. Before I’m forced to draw really creepy conclusions.

SAM
I’ve just been spending some time in Second Chance and…

NOELLE
What’s that?

SAM
Second Chance?

NOELLE
Yeah.

SAM
Oh man.

NOELLE
What?

SAM
You’ve never heard of Second Chance?

NOELLE
No. What is it? A cafe?

SAM
You mean a coffee shop?

NOELLE
That’s what I said.

SAM
You’re already so New York you don’t even realize it.

NOELLE
At least I’m not contracting all of my words together.

SAM
I don’t do that.

NOELLE
“You’r-a-ready”

SAM
I didn’t say it like that.

NOELLE
You did. If you’re nice, I’ll get you a speech therapist for Christmas. Now what’s Second Chance and who’s the girl?

SAM
Only one of the biggest things to ever happen on the internet. I can’t believe you haven’t heard of it.

NOELLE
I haven’t. Get over it.

SAM
It’s a virtual community created by its inhabitants.

NOELLE
Uh… what?


(this is where danny and marnie started chatting)


sam
it's like a game, kind of. actually it's not really a
game at all. it's like having another life only it's all virtual

noelle
...is this supposed to sound like something normal
human beings do?

sam
Oh come on. You're like the only person I have met
who's never heard of it. It's a pretty popular thing

noelle
sorry I live in a state of actual reality.
so, all these virtual people...they're connected to
actual living, breathing, non-pixellated people?

sam
no, they're actually made of magic and function
entirely on their own.
yes of course they're connected to real people
whatever. you either get it or you don't

noelle
well, if they're connected to real people, that means
your girl is both real AND virtual.

sam
of course, you bring it around to that again

noelle
why wouldn't I?

sam
whatever man. it's nothing. it's just something I'm
playing around with.

noelle
Ever say that about me while we were dating?

sam
noelle this has nothing to do with that. you know
you're being very hostile. if i didn't know any better i'd say you were jealous
or something

noelle
I'm not hostile, and I'm not jealous. I'm trying to
make honest conversation. So I guess you should start
by being honest about why you called.

sam
i told you, i was just flipping through my phone so i
called. why does it matter why i called?
would you rather i not call? we could never talk to
eachother again if you prefer.

noelle
You know that if I didn't want to talk to you, I would
have hung up before now.
I just want to make sure I'm on the line for the right
reasons.

sam
well what reason would be good enough to keep you on
the line?

noelle
I don't know. Be creative.

sam
ok. well i just wanted to make sure that everything's
cool. like between us. i mean we haven't exactly been
laurel and hardy since you got all pissed at me for
leaving a damn IM conversation.

noelle
*stifling laughter*
laurel and hardy?

sam
what? what's funny?

noelle
"laurel and hardy." I like it.

sam
haha yeah?

noelle
yes, well done.

sam
o you know i've got a million of them.

noelle
I wish I didn't.

sam
you wish you didn't what?

noelle
know you have a million of them. I also wish I didn't find each one so damn funny
Because that makes things pretty difficult sometimes.

sam
....yeah? how so?

noelle
I don't know. well, I do know. And so do you.

sam
yeah. i know

noelle
yeah.

sam
but i mean come on, those Neew Yowrk guys must be all
over you up there.

noelle
not New Yorkers, no...

sam
O god. not jersey boys?

noelle
Nah, Springsteen was the only good one. He's been
taken for about twenty years.

sam
haha. well there's got to be someone right? i mean....
right?

noelle
...right.
Il est francais, actuellement.

sam
well don't blurt it all out at once.

noelle
I won't.

sam
no habla, amigo

noelle
uck-fay ou-yay.

sam
ha. so he's french eh? does he smell like cheeze and
eat crepes and read beat-poetry?

noelle
all of the above, all the time. He's on constant
curly-goatee mode too.

sam
wow. he sounds super cool. i mean how can he not be,
he's french. I always said that you know how to pick
'em.

noelle
haha, how gracious of you. The truth is, I didn't
really "choose" him at all.

sam
well whatever

noelle
Well, I'd like to tell you that he waltzed up to me in
some city cafe....

sam
coffee shop

noelle
don't make me break out more pig latin.

sam
continue

noelle
well, I could make up some fancy, romantic scenario
just to bug you. but I'm not the one living in a
half-reality...

sam
aight you know what. i don't expect you to understand
it but you don't need to make fun of it. lot's of people
do it

noelle
if they didn't, you'd be pretty lonely.

sam
ha

noelle
anyway, I guess I'm kind of a bitch for telling you
about Adrien.

sam
haha Adrien. No, I'm glad you're, you know, out there
doing that stuff.... it's great

noelle
you think so?

sam
sure

noelle
why?

sam
i don't know. because you should do what makes you
happy. and you sound happy

noelle
but that's way too decent of you!

sam
o screw off.

noelle
that's more like it.

sam
whatever man.

noelle
you know how we really met? me and adrien?

sam
no please tell me

noelle
I was attending a student-directed show at school --
sounded like it was going to be pretty good. But this
guy came to sit right down in front of me, wearing a
hat that blocked my view -- one of those fedoras, you
know?
sam


like indiana jones?
noelle


yeah, but without the ugly face beneath it.
sam
i'm going to let that one go, but you watch your
mouth. anyway. continue

noelle
thanks. so, anyway, I asked, "hey, could you take that
thing off? I can't see."
and he said, "sure, but I wouldn't ruin the integrity
of this ensemble for just anyone."

sam
wow this guy sounds like a real winner

noelle
I must have given him a pretty disgusted look, so I
guess to ease things a little, he plopped it down on
MY head and said, "you don't mind if I put this here,
do you?" which reminded me of you, actually, and made
me laugh.

sam
yeah only I wouldn't be caught dead in a fedora.
unless i was indiana jones

noelle
which, luckily, you aren't.

sam
hmm yeah

noelle
yeah.
so, it's been quite a while since you were in front of
second chance. feeling any withdrawal? or are you
multi-tasking?

sam
why are you so caught up on this second chance thing?

noelle
I don't know. I can't figure out if it's creepy or
perfect for you.

sam
it's not creepy
what's that supposed to mean anyway?

noelle
nothing as bad as you seem to think.
you can try to figure it out while I go to my class,
how's that?

sam
whatever

noelle
wait, so after all that, we're going to be angry
again?

sam
no. i'm not angry. i'll talk to you later.

noelle
um, okay. bye sam.
wait -- sam?

sam
yeah

noelle
I officially allow your girl to be real.

sam
ok thanks

noelle
bye.

sam
bye

sam
goddamnit